Feeling like a career change? Want to rule the universe? Then learn what to do in Peter’s Evil Overlord List.

In here, you’ll receive helpful tips like:

9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled “Danger: Do Not Push”. The big red button marked “Do Not Push” will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

As an Evil Overlord myself, my personal favorites include:

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

At this point I should laugh manically, but that wouldn’t be following the list. Hah!