I can’t shake off the feeling. I’m bored. No longer interested in what I do. I came to this (not so) sudden realization this Monday afternoon at about 3:14 pm. It reminds of the line from the kurt vonnegut graduation speech hoax,

“The real troubles in your life are apt to be things
that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you
at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.”

Cleaning up the html mockup made me realize that I’ve just become a very underutilized engineer. To put it bluntly, any monkey can do my work at the moment. It just requires me to grind through it and it is neither an interesting problem or intellectually stimulating. I’ve trained myself to deal with mind-numbing work but only for a limited period of time. I’m now past due. When that happens, I’m become both belligerent and unhappy. It’s taking me a greater amount of energy to put up my mask.

This boredom is causing me insomnia. I’m up late playing with little things that catch my interest (right now it’s ruby! go ruby!). I’m trying to go to bed by 11 but without any success.

I keep going through the different scenarios in my head. Quit or stay. There are some reasons for me to stay but …………. There are some tricks I can use to keep me moving but it’s getting harder to get up everyday. What are my options? I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. <sigh>